I wish I could punch you in the face.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
