I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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