Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
