he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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