Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
