i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
