I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
