Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
