I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
