Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
