After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
