Swine flu. Run for my life!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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