Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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