just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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