At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
