there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
