oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
