I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
