I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
