Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
