Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
