I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
