You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
