Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
