Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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