I am puke
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
