Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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