I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So squirting runs in the family.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
