I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
