my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
