Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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