At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
