Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
