We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
