goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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