dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
