Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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