capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
