then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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