Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
