You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
