He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
