I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
