btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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