Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
