you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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