things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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