I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize