please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
