woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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