I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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