its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
