I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
