life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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