How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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