He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
