Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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