The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she smelled like a LAN party
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
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When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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