@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
