I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
