forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
honey bunches of taint.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
