Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
