I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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