Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
