After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
