life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
