Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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