Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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