So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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