Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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