I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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