When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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