I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
